Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
