giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
