I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
