when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
