you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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