I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
