I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
