There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
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