I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
