I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
