sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
