I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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