Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
