I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Randomize
