I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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