Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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