i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize