I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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