Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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