i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I got inside last night via doggy door
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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