drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
