I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
