I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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