Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
as a side note pls kill me
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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