what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
