It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
