For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
