Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Four minutes until I can fart!
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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