i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
