my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
