I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize