So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize