I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
