you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
