Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
