You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
