omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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