Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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