it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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