if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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