That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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