She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
