I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
