Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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