Why are handjobs necessary in class?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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