I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
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