Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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