I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
