I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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