I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
