Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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