I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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