Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Randomize
