I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
