Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
