Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
