She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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