I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
