So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
The dick lei will go down in squad history
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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