whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
