just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
