I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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