In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
