I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
