Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
