So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
She needs sedatives and a leash
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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