Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
