a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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