five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
time to smoke my breakfast
only you would photoshop your dick
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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