Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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