I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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