i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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