This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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