i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
