oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
