New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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