Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
