cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
