I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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