he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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